The Best Advice Isn't Always Free
As ridiculous as this sounds, I paid well over $800 just to learn how to breathe. (Well, that and a few other things.) Every other week or so, I drove an hour to visit Dr. B., a psychologist who charged $80 for 45 minutes of his time. Because he afforded me some relief from my crushing panic attacks and serious depressive episodes, those sessions were priceless to me.
Unfortunately, Dr. B. had no compunction about periodically raising his rates. After one of our sessions, I handed him my 80 bucks and he said, "Oh, it's $100 now, but I guess I can grandfather you in today." I stopped seeing him once I was well enough to feel irritated about all the money I was spending on therapy.
They say the best advice is free, but I know some of the very best advice costs money—even though, if you ask me, it shouldn't have to. Little subversive that I am, what follows are some of Dr. B.'s pricier tidbits.
In order to help me squelch my panic attacks, Dr. B. taught me the square breathing exercise. He explained that during a full-blown panic attack, my body reacts to stress as if it were actually being faced with a man-eating tiger or some other immediate physical danger. As such, I was overcome with a sense of impending doom, my heart would beat wildly, the blood pumped to my extremities—preparing me to run like hell or stick around to fight the tiger. By employing square breathing, I could consciously slow my heart rate and relax both my body and my racing thoughts. These days, I use square breathing at the first signs of panic attack, and I am able to stop the madness before it really gets going.
How to square breathe:
1. Sit in a comfortable position. You can close your eyes, but you don't necessarily have to.
2. Take a deep breath through your nose. (You should be filling your diaghram/belly with air.) Exhale then inhale to a count of four seconds.
3. Hold that breath for four seconds.
4. Slowly exhale through your mouth to the count of four more seconds.
5. Repeat two to three times or until you feel more relaxed.
This is a useful mantra that applies to all kinds of situations. Mostly, it is a reminder to live in the present rather than dwelling on the past or worrying endlessly about the future. Dr. B. gave me the following example: "Let's say you are talking with someone else when you suddenly find yourself gripped by a panic attack. Remind yourself to 'Be Here Now.' Pay attention to the moment you are in. Concentrate on that other person and what they have to say instead of letting panic overcome you." To do otherwise would be rude, wouldn't it? "Be Here Now" is also useful in conjunction with square breathing.
This, too, is a fine mantra. Let yourself worry if you must, but just for a little while because, when you really think about it, worrying is a gigantic waste of time. You might try this exercise with an especially rational friend. In my case, Dr. B. walked me through my worries. I would express some fear or other and he would shoot back, "So? What's the worst thing that could happen?" Then he would force me to take each worry to the most ridiculous extreme until I realized just how ridiculous I sounded.
(Hope these help. It's free this time around—I grandfathered you in . . .)
onward!